


Terrible Magics Among Us

by Appliciousness



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23920936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Appliciousness/pseuds/Appliciousness
Summary: Dean Henry Fogg gives a lesson on the most dangerous magics that exist. Spoilers for real life.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Terrible Magics Among Us

[Pan over Brakebills, dark clouds growing. Dean Henry Fogg stands in front of the classroom, sombre music playing.]

Fogg: There are dark things out there in this world. Magics that can change you, that can make you…different.

[Takes off his glasses, eyes are glowing.]

Fogg: For example, it could make it so you only see in the color purple, or you can’t wash your hands without throwing up sparkles. But that’s not the worst of it. It could change you in ways that affect your mind. Take Exhibit A, for example.

[points at the man standing next to him, a confused look on his face.]

Fogg: This was once an intelligent, educated human. Now its rationality meter is so skewed that the foundation of its beliefs are all outrageous lies and contradictions. Trying to provide it evidence to the contrary will only drive it further into lunacy.

Exhibit A: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just saying, they want to take away my right to defend myself, a born again Christian, but they won’t do anything about the _illegals_ causing problems in society. So if we gotta put women and children in cages to prove a point, then that’s what we gotta do.

Fogg: Or take exhibit B. This one cannot hear what I am saying because its eyes are glued to an amulet that can see other worlds. Except everything in those worlds is based on a system of merit that condones risky and attention seeking behavior, so it will only emerge when those denizens require sacrifice.

Exhibit B: Watch me jump out this window! *jumps out window and dies*

Fogg: And the final exhibit we could not bring in today. For in its delirium, it will attack Exhibit A based solely on the hat it is wearing. It is constantly driven into towering rages and uses this as a weapon to incite others to anger, and en mass these infected people have been known to drive innocent victims to a terrible demise.

*transcript of Exhibit C* Oh my god, this BNF literally tweeted that she thought the duck movie was a boring and uninspired sequel because the MC wasn’t ‘original.’ BUT IT’S NOT ABOUT THAT KAREN!!! It’s a show about how two ducks can find acceptance in a society that shuns them and it’s clearly an analogy for modern times but KAREN doesn’t understand that and thinks she can shun OUR movie and call it ‘boring’ which is going to make producers REFUSE to make these kinds of movies and WE NEED MORE REPRESENTATION THAN YOU DO!! So let's make her EAT her words, ladies and gents, I think it’s time we all #CANCEL KAREN!!!

Quentin: *raises hand* Excuse me sir, but…these just seem like normal humans. Isn’t this just real life?

Fogg: *spreads arms wide* Are you not terrified?


End file.
